Water Festival tragedy

All day I've been watching the news show pictures so graphic I've had to look away. This evening they're reading off the amount of money each deceased person had on their person so family can come get it, and posting all the cell phone numbers of phones found on the bridge. Bodies in small wooden boxes are being shipped to local headquarters in military trucks to avoid more chaos at the hospitals, while the news airs footage of the deceased lining the sidewalks so family will claim them. Such a bizarre thing to witness. So different from how it would be handled elsewhere. Most of those killed after the concert at the Water Festival were in their 20s, with so much more life to live.

By this evening we got word that all of our staff, and everyone in our village is accounted for. Answered prayer! 3 guys toward the wooden bridge were there and jumped into the river to avoid being crushed, and they reported that their friends weren't taken in the abulances because they were going to the highest bidders, not necessarily the worst injured. Which is nausiating. Marc, our director, went to the city today to meet with some partner organizations and line up how we can help. Tomorrow we'll send our medical team, but that's all I currently know.

So why do bad things happen? Because they can. But the constant is that God helps us through them. I'm interested to see how those with Buddhist belief come together and cope. I suppose I thought people might go to the Wats today to offer incense or ask the monks to pray on behalf of the dead, but there was none of that. Why? Today, no matter who we are, we are all broken-hearted.

My friend Paet, who went with us to the Festival on Saturday, texted me to ask how he can get rid of bad dreams and a fear that's kept him from sleeping. Of course I recommended asking God to take away fear and protect him from evil dreams or bad memories. Please Remember Paet, who's been on our Hearts for a while now.

(in the time it took me to write this, the death toll has gone up by 43... now well over 400... with 57 unaccounted for, and 350 still in our 4 hospitals. In a place with less than mediocre health care knowledge, God, be the god of healing....)

2010 Water and Moon Festival pictures! A 3-day festival in the city that the whole countryside comes in for. We went in the morning because everyone warned us the evening would be too crazy to stay togther, maneuver the blocked off streets, and avoid pic-pockets. Kirsten (Australian) and Hannah (Canadian) are guests we've been hosting while they're working on their masters degrees, and all 3 of the guys are staff that live in my village - Sua (from my team), and Dinah and Paet from the lab.

The group!


boat races





the best dessert EVER - fried palm sugar and rice flour



Me riding with Dinah

Nov 20: I've been in country for a year. Its so cliche, but the time really has flown by. And I'm wondering if maybe its because the sun goes down every day by 6:30 and I sleep more than I usually did :)

Our time out in the villages last week was yet another growing experience with a few teaching moments and a few divine appointments. We delivered 8 more water filters and have orders for 14 more! We added a new teaching locale for adults about halfway down the street of the village, and they really seemed to like our discussion about what germs were and how to prevent them from entering your body. When Sua originally asked about prevention, one man answered that you should build a fence. I don't know if he meant literally or figuratively and the rest got lost in translation, but its a good idea for a visual aid I think we'll draw up next week.

We also added a new teaching site for kids at one of the more welcoming houses, and our dynamic duo of Da and Sua taught the dental lesson while Daly and I went to collect water filter payments. We weren't sure how many kids would show up since it was our first time, but 26 came! The other kids locale after lunch had over 40! Our attention to the widows, sick, and children first has been a key factor, I feel, in our favor and success in Prake Chruk so far. Christ mentioned them by group as folks to be sure to help, and they're definitely the most fragile and numerous here.

We met a lady while doing arsenic awareness, Ming Om, who asked us Who we believed in and Daly answered that all 4 on our team are Christians and we do this because we love people. Om said she had a Bible once and really enjoyed reading it - she had peace and was not scared of evil spirits, but she read it so much she forgot to cook dinner for her husband and he threw it away. She asked if we could tell her any more about it when we have time. Next week we'll eat lunch at her house and see what we can share.

My earnest prayer today was for Prake Chruk and Bentay Dike villages to have the same physical health and spiritual peace that I have... to not worry about tomorrow... to not fear evil spirits and death... to know they're loved.

There were 6 weddings and 3 funerals this past weekend in our village. I still find the mandatory-ness of marriage and the frequency of funerals absolutely shocking, and that doesn't even truly describe the feeling. If girls aren’t married by around age 26 they’re forced into whatever marriage their parents can broker for them, regardless of the desires of the girl. But most people here are cordial with their spouse at best, so being friends or lovers is for the lucky ones. I know a lot of the world has arranged marriages, but I can’t even process it. One of our employees just finished her degree and wants to get her masters overseas, and her family is irate that she’s throwing away her life. They repeatedly share how embarrassed they are that they’ll have such an old, single daughter. They’ll be able to ask for more dowry since she speaks English and will be educated, but her age will counter some of it. She’s in tears a lot and torn between living within the cultural expectations and what she wants. I can’t even imagine. (Thanks mom and dad for letting me follow my heart before asking for grandkids.)

And funerals. They’re so frequent an its heartbreaking. A complete feeling of helplessness. Some folks live into their 90s, but equal numbers of folks pass away at much much younger ages too. Sometimes its from harsh illnesses - tuberculosis, Hepatis, cancers, pneumonia, aresnicosis - but sometimes its an infection from a cut or broken bone that spreads, or their bodies are just so unhealthy that they stop working. What kind of government doesn't care that the people don't have any health care? This week was a few folks in their 60s and 70s - a sudden death, a man that had an infection from a broken hip, and another man that seemed pretty active and healthy. I still don’t know what you say at times like this. The funeral of the 20-something down the street that died in his sleep last month was hard to see and accept. So so sad. Most of them are poor and my neighbor, a pastor, has offered to transport the bodies in his truck since they can’t afford to hire it out (Buddhist Khmer are extremely scared of evil spirits and won’t touch a dead body), and our organization has offered to supply the wood for cremations. Any love or peace we can bring at times like this is what God would have us to do, for sure.

On a weekend where I’m still mulling over the importance of my job that I find so trivial at times, the blaring truth that they need these health, hygiene, and arsenic lessons is placed in my lap. And I’m re-broken for them. To show people love is to tell them about germs and arsenic? Yes. Yes, it is. Meeting needs to earn the right to share of myself.

Luckily we didn’t get any adverse weather from all the excitement of volcanoes, earthquakes, and typhoons in the Pacific lately, but our seasons are changing here too. Rainy season is ending. Last week the winds started coming from the north and blowing all the time. Its been in the 70s and 80s! In the evenings I throw on a long sleeve T and jeans, and I can’t put into words the flood of familiarity that give instant renewal somewhere in my spirit. I remember that girl in the States that was so determined to get here and make a difference… and for a minute I forget how alone, confused, and frustrated I’ve been lately.

We added our 2nd village to the mix this week, Bentay Dike, and I'm wondering how well my team will be able to multitask. They can’t do it in meetings or in our first village, but maybe 2 distinct locations will help. I hate having to dumb things down for them, and want so badly to bring them up to a higher standard of understanding and work ethic, but I can see its tiny tiny tiny steps. I worked so hard at being a professional for the last 7 years that I’m almost confounded by how to lead. How do you teach adults why they should brush their teeth, let alone what germs are, why everyone in a household shouldn’t share the same cup, and why you should boil the water that they pump straight from the river. I find myself trying to deny how uneducated people are because it doesn’t comply with my world I’ve known, and I need to dismiss a semi-superior attitude I find creeping in when I wonder how in the world people don’t know these things yet. Those of you who know me know I’m not a creative person by any means, so coming up with things that will help people learn and trying to inspire my own team are obvious downfalls, if I can call them that. I spent a lot of time this week praying for a renewal of compassion and understanding. Hopefully out of the overflow of my heart my mouth can speak.

Looking back at the last 11 months, here are some things I've learned -

- there will always be a better visionary, leader, or teacher, but willingness goes a long way

- pickled mango isn't that bad

- spiritual maturity doesn't come naturally with age – it comes with work

- America needs motos

- 9 or 10 hours of sleep are necessary when temperatures are in the 90s

- baby goats, while cute, let out cries that sound like someone is being attacked and should not be allowed within earshot of my bedroom

- ignorance is understandable, and deserves pity and assistance instead of contempt

- God isn't just a good thing that most Americans claim to believe in, He's universal and he heals people of sickness, answers prayers for help, gets rid of loneliness, comforts families after a death, and cares about minute daily struggles

- chewing on a stalk of sugarcane is a SUPER snack, but you need floss afterwards

- ant bites hurt for days and leave scars

- I actually DON'T need coffee or a soda in the mornings... (so why did my body tell me it did for so long?)

- Buddhism doesn't offer an account of how we got here or a creation story

- there's 4 words for 'eat food' but no words for 'I'm sorry'... which is intrinsic insight

- horns on cars say I'm merging, I'm coming, I'm backing up, I'm parking, I'm turning, I'm pulling through the gate, I feel like honking,...

- I lived in a box in America but didn't know it

- 3 million people in a city with less square mileage than my hometown in WV isn't that big of a deal... anymore

- the victim card is played way to often in other places - these people are impoverished and survived genocide at the hands of their own people... yet they know life is hard, move on

- The US is elite to have a government that cares about human rights, health care, road conditions, regulating education, and providing safe drinking water out of the tap

- tan lines are unavoidable, so I may as well stop trying to pull up my sleeves and kick off my sandals whenever possible

- chickens love to eat Styrofoam coolers

- blogging my innermost thoughts, convictions, and praises in a closed country is VERY hard

- most Wat ceremony and funeral pire music sounds like a jack-in-the-box

- matching is highly over-rated – if its functional and clean, its wearable

- fear is a tangible crippling thing – it keeps people from waaay too much

- Because I've experienced unconditional love from God, I'm able to show that to someone else. I'm not a great person or an extraordinary person, I'm just 1 changed life hoping to afford others something more too because its so worth it

Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe. - Don Miller

I've moved from a legalistic Christian country to a legalistic Buddhist one. I still can't find people who know what its all about. Why claim to be something you're not? And that question applies to both countries. I'd guess that a good proportion of the folks who would write 'christian' on a survey in the States don't do more than dress up and attend some kind of service and feel that somehow pleases the creator of the world.

And here, the questions I've asked are things like Do you like it? Do you feel a spiritual peace after ceremonies? What promises and edification do Buddhist teachings give you? Why don't the temples give back to the community? And the answers are indifferent. Then why do it? And if my friends in the States aren't going to follow the “instructions” for a better life given to us in the Bible, why say you believe in it? Its a good idea for me, but not for you? Do you think me weaker and needing a crutch? On the contrary, if you knew the girl I used to be you'd be impressed with who the lord has made her into. We're all cut from the same mold, so I'm pretty sure the instruction manual is the same. Working on getting rid of sins in my life, serving others, not having sex until marriage, and accepting God's foregiveness has worked out pretty doggone well for me... hm, almost as if I've been blessed because I believe in the awesome things that are promised when we live life God's way. Profound.

I'm gonna say going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a forest makes you a tree... and let me come up with a Cambodian one.... saying you're Buddhist just because you're Khmer doesn't make you any more Buddhist than standing on our road in our village makes you a cow pie. I may be offensively over-simplifying, but its just one of those days. Everyone, seek after something worth while!

Here are pictures of the Water Intervention Team doing follow-up over the last 2 weeks in Prake Chruke, a small village across the Mekong River from us. I'm honored and blessed to be working with these guys! We pray for the folks we'll meet before we head out, tend to sing on the long drive to the village, and have been well-received so far in the first 21 homes we've visited. Arsenic seems to be at a minimum, but a large number of folks seem to have scabies, or a cold lately. We'll start educating more on what we're seeing in the next 2 weeks. Its all about building relationships - we've said more than once that we feel bad getting paid to talk to people all day!
Below: a little one that follows us most of the day, Sua talking with an older lady that has trouble walking and couldn't come down from her house, Da walking, Sua treating scabies that had been scratched raw, Daly listening to an older man explain an ailment with his foot

Some days you enjoy sunsets like this....

... and some days you don't! Its the rainy season baby! And it comes on suddenly, too! Isabelle and I screamed and took off running at the first clap of thunder, but the last 100' got us.

My team's official name is the Water Intervention Team! Follow-Up, no more! Although we basically... follow up. Polo shirts have been ordered, trainings have occurred, name badge lariats have been attached, backpacks have been bought, and motos have been reserved.
Go team!

Hypothesis of the day: Most of the progressive inventions have come from areas outside of the tropics. Areas where preparation for future seasons is necessary, and that foresight carries over to other life aspects. You have to think outside the box and problem solve almost in order to survive.

Here, the weather is basically the same, the temperatures are basically the same, the growing seasons are basically identical... there's no need to think ahead because you can just do what you've always done and know that in 3 months or 9 months... you can still do what you've always done. And that lack of prep for the future and taking each day as it comes, translates into, based on my observation and for lack of a better word, apathy.

There's a colloquial slam that's something to the affect 'I hope you have a varied life!', and its a bad thing. Monotony and predictability is good. Not for this chic, but they say...

This culture, bless its heart, is a memorization culture instead of a rationalization culture. Schools are pitiful at best, and problem solving is, well, a problem. Let me give you an example from hanging out with some staff yesterday...

Piet, Visnah, and I were talking about how many kids they each wanted and how many I'll want once I'm married etc. The conversation turned to how old we are. Piet told me his age but I didn't believe him because he looks so much younger. He then told me the year he was born and in doing the math, he truly is 37. OK, my bad. Visnah's turn. He said he's 32. Piet asked what year he was born and he said he didn't know because his mom never told him. I did the quick subtraction and told him what year he was born and he seemed thankful. Had it never occurred to him before to subtract and figure it out? When it came to me I told them my age, and then they asked me what year that meant I was born too. Had I had paper I would've shown them how to do the math, which may be a better idea than the English they asked me to teach them.

If the basic early education doesn't teach kids to problem solve I'm afraid this country will stay exactly where it is, accepting handouts and the work of outsiders instead of being able to tackle its own issues. Doggone it.

Things here are... progressive. We'll know better as things cool off.


OK for the folks who have requestd a pic of just me, not being cheezy or covered with dirt or from a distance or wet (gosh, you're so picky!).... here's the most recent "good" ones. In one, my friend Visnah is making me suspenders out of string and a rope because my britches kept sagging. Helpful, but a little invasive and unattractive :)

Its a cloudy Sunday and I'm getting ready to take our intern from Utah to the airport, and drop off 6 others that want to eat in the city. If the Nissan still isn't fixed, and if they door that fell of the blue van last week hasn't been fixed, and if the back seat hasn't been put back into the red van it may be my first day to drive the mama-jama 15 passenger Transit. Nothing like busy Sunday traffic where all the rural folks are heading back into the city for another work week!

Last week was full of language lessons, hours of scrubbing laundry since our electric is out a lot with the road construction, prayer, and writing my first ever quarterly report for the Follow-Up team. This week I think I'm heading out with our construction team to fix some rainwater retention tanks' broken gutters, pipes, and pumps that we found while following up at schools previously.

Our director is back from the States, and our first team meeting is Monday morning. Some of you know how rough communication, cooperation, and attitudes on our team are at times, and for those that don't, just know that its the only thing that's had me in tears during my stint so far. Big, necessary changes and confrontations are coming as we cannot keep ignoring the implosion that's happening. I'm more nervous than excited today, but I'm praying that honesty, authenticity, respect, maturity, and tact will create a better environment for all of us and our 84 national employees...

This is work in the village of Kokie Thom... great times with the team from Texas!

In no particular order - The Mekong River... Visnah eating a fried bat... Da and Sua with children... 4 hard workers!

Thanks to the insight of 25 high schoolers from LA currently volunteering with us, I've realized that the word for thank you - accune - is very similar to 'hacuna', as in hacuna matata... we've been singing Lion King for over a week... this has to stop! (But they haven't forgotten to say thanks to staff and villagers, so its a mixed blessing!)

These are pics from my first-ever retreat. It was so cheap and fantastic and necessary... more work pics in a minute... if the internet cooperates.

Its another rainy afternoon and I've pulled my comfy chair up to my open door to smell and see the rain better. I like rainy season so much better – my clothes haven't had problems drying like everyone said – and am already dreading dry season that's still 4 months away. It did just occur to me that my shirt I hung out to dry earlier is still out there, so in this case, yes, my clothes do take longer to dry! Oops.

I can smell Ming Tan grilling bananas next door, and I can hear some neighborhood kids playing with the whistles they've gotten from somewhere. I wonder if the team today made it out to the site without getting too wet riding in the back of the covered truck. I have 2 of the airport runs today, so I won't join them until tomorrow.

After being able to just be still and rest at the beach this past weekend, I don't have a new big vision or answers to my questions, but I do have a renewed passion. For making each encounter, each trip to a village, intentional. And its hard, I've seen it already today, because you are stuck in either routine or truthfully not really caring about every person you see. You can't just make a conscious decision to be a nice person, your heart has to change so that out of the overflow of your heart your mouth and your body language speak. Otherwise you fail after 1 day and call it quits because its hard. But to only accomplish easy things in life doesn't seem that fulfilling – its the harder things that give us a greater return or greater reminder that we can accomplish so much more than we ever think we can.

I'm inspired by a lady here this week that nervously said she's been working at pushing herself – doing things like riding a zip line on a family vacation and now serving for 2 weeks with us here in Cambodia. (Sidenote: obviously I'm sitting here on the internet and drinking a sweet tea, so the level at which people rough it here is a sliding scale. If you've seen any of my pictures you know we're not in the jungle... but we can send you there if you want.) She said the anticipation is always worse than the actual thing, and I would agree. Do not fear is said over 200 times in the Good Book, which says 2 things: we're going to have fear, and don't let it control you. Try new things! Help someone! Play in the rain with your kids even if your neighbors are watching or you have a meeting later! Let me show you true need and the fight to survive, and maybe it'll help your fear of failing, or not having enough money, or that others will laugh at you fade away.

I'm blessed.

Its a nice, cool rainy day here and I'm killing time until I go to teach English at a local school. I don't really enjoy it, being up in front of 40 kids, but I committed to teach for a month and I get $4, so I'll fulfill that commitment.

My lack of blogging has been due to sheer busy-ness, but also a lack of ability to adequately process and share how things are going. Words can't describe the frustration, and the joy, and day to day emotions. They say that culture shock comes in waves, and lately I'm almost silenced by my newest observations and questions. Its just so different that what I'm used to, and what I've agreed was normal for 30 years. Its funny that I can hold so tight to 1 universal truth at the same time all the other truths I've known are challenged....

Its a fun process... to be stretched and challenged...

Let me say, too, that the work itself is still good. Amazing. I can't help but feel that some things need revised and adjusted since they started years ago, and we'll meet about those things later. The team I've joined doesn't communicate well at all, so we'll see, hopefully soon, how we can clear the air and get better since we're all called here for a central purpose.

4 more teams coming in back to back to back soon... so expect a void in blogging... again :)

Below is a shot of the school we just slept and worked at, cementing the inside of a rainwater collection tank, and the lines to pass cement buckets to pour the flooring.

Just to touch base (thanks for all the friendly reminders to blog something) I'll tell you my life in a nutshell this past 2 months:
bathing in the Basac River... eating freshly caught and roasted frog... 2 water retention tanks built at schools... lots of volunteers!... campfires at night... hangin out with lots of staff... loving on people, because they deserve a better life.

I've been thinking a lot about things like rights, equality, and privileges lately. They're not all the same thing at all. Yes, I was offended that the locker room at the city pool is the size of a closet while the men have a hot tub and restaurant, but I'm past that. Well, almost :)
The “carnival” - balloon games, a ferris wheel, and swings - came to our village last week and it only took a few minutes to be reminded that this is culture based on roles. Men socialized while the women were either absent or to the side with the children. This ball rolling makes me wonder so many questions...
Is it wrong to assume a woman will stay home with 3-7 kids? Or is it only wrong to demand she do so if she doesn't want to? Are they happy not being spoken to or touched by their husbands in public? (My own waves and acknowledgments to male staff and neighbors went unreturned even though we cut up every day at work or in the yard. Public is a different scenario, even for a foreigner, which stinks when you're standing there by yourself, and can't find any women to talk to!) Why don't women get upset that its socially acceptable for married men to have girlfriends? Even in these arranged marriages do women still have the desire to be wooed and appreciated, even by a relative stranger? How is it they still believe (to a certain degree) that domestic violence is acceptable? How does this arranged marriage thing work anyway?
I can imagine the potential self-esteem issues in girls... or is my Westernized brain just bulking because its so foreign to me? And not that I'm a women's lib kinda girl, either. I'm intrigued....

To everyone who has asked, nope, Easter isn't celebrated either! (c'mon, if Christmas isn't, easter would be a stretch :) )

We got word of a christian service in a huge tent in a parking lot of the area they're developing, and it turned out to be thousands of people! I'd say Korean, Australian, and African were the most populous groups, and it was absolutely great to be in that familiar situation. Good songs and good insight about how people view the christ, then off to the gym, and pizza for dinner. I couldn't ask for a better easter Sunday. Well, maybe if I'd found out WVU beat Duke it'd been perfect, but oh well.

Forgiven and thankful for it,

A new analogy just occurred to me to describe what its like here... You know how after a natural disaster tons of aid floods the area? Within a few weeks most folks don't think of that situation as often, and within a few months money and volunteers begin to dwindle as well? Welcome to Cambodia. After their 12 years of genocide, others rebuilt schools, drilled wells, paved roads, and built a hospital. Work was started, but nationals weren't pulled in and trained in it so when aid pulled out, so did the knowledge to be healthy and prosperous.

This comes to mind as I hear Korean music blaring next door and I turn up Kutless in my earphones. I'd love to experience Cambodian genres, but there really are no arts or music. Musicians, professors, artists, doctors, philosophers, architects, ... all targeted and killed off by the Khmer Rouge, and no one has rekindled those areas. They have passion to advance but no direction - the blind leading the blind. These following generations are left without so much!

So, no garage bands or city concerts, very few teachers teaching with anything more than a high school education, an open-air "hospital" that is barely equipped to do the most minor surgeries, no dance classes, city murals, or exhibits. How sad.

Educating and training is so much harder both physically and emotionally than just giving out instant assistance, but if they're to prosper they have to be in charge of their own infrastructure. I've known this - 'teach a man how to fish instead of giving him fish', right? - but I have to remind myself sometimes when I'm worn out after a hard day and I have the urge to simply hand out medicines, vitamins, rice, soap, toothbrushes, books, guiars, and shoes to the masses.

On so many levels the Workers are few.

Two things have struck me this week in a way that has gripped me. I tend to assume that in these last 4 months that I've acclamated to how different cultures can be, and then I get reminders that leave me uncomfortable (for a multitude of reasons). This particular uncomfortable isn't good nor bad, its just different. The contemplative type.

Most folks here have fenced in property, and thus a gate. People here don't trust each other, and are very protective of what belongings they can acquire, so locks and gates are a big deal. One of the doors to our gate broke off the hinge a few days ago and its been a source of unrest and fear b/c it couldn't be locked at night. Friends showed up early Saturday to get the door down, repaired, and back up before nightfall - and it was as impressive as the Amish building a barn! OK, well, not quite, but still impressive. They used whatever pipes and metal they could find and made this fanstic door. It doesn't match the other, which will drive me crazy, but they don't care - aestheics (yet again) aren't important to them. Nor should they be. Why do I still care what sunglasses I buy to replace my broken ones, if my flipflops relatively match my pants, and that I've worn the same earrings for almost 4 months straight? Not that they themselves have chose this freedom from "stuff", but I have now (more and more, hopefully!) and its amazing how unstressful and wonderful it is. I have simplified life, but I still long for it to be simpler. I see myself as spoiled, and I'm uncomfortable with that.

The second is an experience while out with our Arsenic survey team - Simmet and Dtoeun - and is compounded by what I just shared. They're determing if wells are safe to use, and educating about arsenic. Most wells are not safe, and most people listen and take our card in a sort of numb politeness - we've just told them you can't use your water, go find it elsewhere. In talking to 2 ladies - neighbors - one became very verbal and agitated, yelling that I had money b/c I'm from America and that I should run piped water from the city out to their village. I kept my composure but looked down at my notes, and she continued on that she wanted me to take her small child with me so he wouldn't get sick, which inevitably he will be if they continue to use their water pump. My heart ripped and it was all I could muster to hold back tears. The other lady just sat there, holding the water test results in her hand, and her face said it all - what will we do. All of the solutions require money, which was obvious they didn't have. Fear of arsenicosis, desperation from lack of money... I had to excuse myself and walk back to where the pump was to "look at it" and compose myself. Life's not fair, yes. But I just looked at it in the eyes... and it hurt. I can still see their faces, and that uncomfortable-ness is a new driving force.

A day in my shoes: Today I got my bike back from fixing the blow-out of my second-hand tire. And I noticed the new back tire is slightly smaller than the original front tire... and it looks... odd! It may be off by only an inch or 2, but it obviously sits lower. Boo Sarruen suggested I put the smaller tire on the front so it has less weight on it, which I thought was a good idea... until I got the visual image of me riding it, with my head pointed down... OK, no dice.

Second, I found out that there's no word for “home” in this language. There's 'house' and there's 'property' and 'ownership'... but not home. I wonder if they have a sentimentality for their house and childhood village that they just cannot express, or if there is no attachment. I would understand a lack of attachment to a hut filled with daily hardships, but it seems almost inhuman to not have some attachment. Then again, I'm speaking from my experience. There's also no word for “nice” or “sad”... things like that are expressed as a condition of the heart... a good heart and a sick heart. Which may be true, but also strikes me as odd. (If you actually have a heart condition, I wonder if that's a sick heart too? Could get confusing.) I guess this is what you get when your language is derived from ancient Sanskrit... not many options for adding or expounding on words.

My team I'm leading was supposed to be implemented by now, but we're having technical difficulties. My 3rd staffer we picked out doesn't know he's been reassigned and is out in the field for another 10 days, the van outfitted with our media outlets is designated for the school team for the next month, our database still isn't implemented so that I can pick out which villages to go to first based on 4 criteria, and our budget is so tight that I can't get handouts or charts made to have with me in the field. Its been... quite a week! There are divine appointments and timing with every step, though, right? (please repeat this back to me if you ever hear me complain!)

On a positive note, though, I had a great time at my first Cambodia wedding on Sunday, and today I drove around with my newly acquired drivers license!! A little rusty since I haven't driven a standard since the summer of 2000 when I drove Melissa's Grand Am, but the organized chaos that is Cambodian driving isn't too bad (if you're creeping along in 3rd gear)!

Listening to Bob Seger, and contemplating my last blog before I'm thirty. I'm finding it amusing that milestones make us sentimental. Tomorrow is no different than today – I won't be able to drive anything different, or drink anything different, or cash in any retirement savings. I'm not leaving anything behind. Well, nothing except my 'List of things to do before I turn 30'... moving around the world wasn't on there, and it set me back :) Maybe I'll add it so that I can mark it off.

The electricity just went out as I'm typing, and I laughed out loud. Case and point that nothing's spectacular about being in your twenties, or hitting 3-0 – still gonna be in a village with limited power at best, eating bah bah (rice porridge) :)

Cambodians don't typically celebrate birthdays – most don't know exactly when they were born. They were probably born at home, and no one wrote it down.

I'm sure a few of you are laughing at me b/c you've already hit 30 and its no big deal. Why is it so bittersweet then? For those folks that sent birthday cards and balloons in a care package – THANK YOU! It just came to me! The obvious reason its bittersweet is b/c there won't be cake – there's my mission: find cake. Or something that could resemble cake... or at least be sweet.

“...feel the wind, and set yourself a bolder course...” Thanks, Bob.

Things are picking up speed and I find myself so tired but so energized. I'm wrapping up my official language lessons, but picking up mega-steam in what I'll be doing full-time soon enough. My boss goes state-side for a few months in March and wants me implemented by then – no pressure.

I'm forming and training a follow-up team and helping get all of our GPS locations of previous work into 1 database so we can see where we've been and where we're yet to go. We'll see where to need to... say.. follow up on the highest arsenic concentrations in drinking water tube wells, then be sure they have appropriate information, alternate water sources, medical teams, school teaching teams etc. Once we've gained their trust by having a consistent presence and Shared with them, hopefully the Death rate and illnesses will go down dramatically. I love it.

I've now eaten with, laughed with, and worked along side of poverty for a few months and there is no longer “them” and “us”... its not “these people” when I talk about them or remember them in prayer... ignorance hasn't made them any less fantastic and hospitable. Its “we”. I've never thought of myself as an arrogant person but at the end of the day it would be easy to fall into that trap here, seeing what I have and know based on what others have and know. Ironically, there is no possible way to be arrogant when you're surveying a village and covered with dirt. But for Grace this could've been me.

So I've been thinking about brokenness. Being broken, a broken people. There's an obvious comment – that we're all broken, not functioning exactly as we should due to crap. That whole original sin thing that has snowballed and now affects everything. My brokenness exists due to selfishness, arrogance, ignorance, too much freedom, too much comfort. Not by dictators, lack of education, poor hygiene, and lack of food.

As a blanket statement, these people are broken on a large scale - their spirit, their abilities, their pride, their economy. Maybe losing wars does that to you, I don't know. The US always seems to dominate the wars I've known in my lifetime. So the people are broken, but is each person? Or maybe I'm thinking on it backwards – is the whole people broken b/c each person is personally broken somehow? How did they get THIS broken? I hope this doesn't sound arrogant of me. You have to see it. Ironically, I do know that to fix this population, and the others like it that are struggling - one person, one family at a time or else you'll be overwhelmed. Wow, that's a big vision....

Here's the frustration I see - government's callousness or perpetuation of it. They're charging people to fix it, and then either taking the credit or pulling the plug. Do you know how many lives would be saved by simply installing “piped water” to the populated areas?! It is what it is.

Final thought: if these people were never hurting, I would never know what it was like to give of myself and help. How can someone learn to serve if no one is ever suffering? Could this explain some of the reason for suffering?

TPCC folks - when I taught the children from the dvd series we learned about this guy in Cambodia, and here he is! I met him. Super nice guy.; touching hands and hearts; explaining arsenic and nitrates in this man's drinking water well.

A glimpse of the Angkorian carvings all over every temple, Temple Prohm, ladies health classes, more bathing in the river, a little friend in a neighboring village.