Let me boost your day and testify to some stuff happenin 'round here!

In August Vanny (54) was diagnosed with chronic liver failure, and the Cambodian doctors gave him a day or so to live.

He came home to die. 6 doors down from me.

And people in his family that follow after Christ opted to pray for him every night, and they invited others to come too. After day 2, he was more conscious. After day 4 he could sit up. After day 8 he was eating soup and walking to the bathroom on his own. Jehovah Rapha - the Healer - had showed up. The doctor and our neighbors were amazed.

Last Thursday he laid down to take a nap, very swollen and tired. He woke up and told his family he'd seen the Lord and 2 others on a bright road and asked them to gather around and tell stories of their lives together. That night he hugged his wife, 3 daughters and their husbands, and 5 grandkids, and said he'd see them in heaven. He rolled over, went to sleep, and passed. Peacefully.


And Poan is a 25-year-old lady from village B- who had a stroke during childbirth. The baby was on formula in her hometown while the mom was unconscious in a Phnom Penh hospital for over 2 weeks.

And people started praying. And taking up offerings to help. She's home with only a limp when she walks. WHAT?!  I love love love these stories. 

And my radio silence is broken!

I needed time. For the most part I try not to be one to mull things over online for the world to read. My mullings are usually intentionally thought provoking questions, not emotional verbal diarrhea. And to air any dirty laundry would be unprofessional and unChrist-like.

"Don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Think about it overnight and remain silent."  Psalm 4.4  Its the blue post-it on my wall.

So here I am. Calm and collected.

It was a good day. An easy day. I watched my neighbor build a fence between us, (Ha Ha - bring on the jokes!) and got insight into several questions about culture, politics, and poverty.

Its time to share that I've been officially downsized from the organization I loved for over 5 years. A total of 6 of us have. I returned June 2nd from the States, and the country director asked why I was here. That started what was to be a miserable, confusing, and shocking 4 months. The worst in my life to date.

There were only 3 days I stayed in bed and watched the shadows from the window or let the Cosby show drone on and on as background noise on my computer so my mind wouldn't keep racing about the next meeting the next conversation the next option.

To those of you that knew some of this already and prayed for wisdom or peace or clarity - a huge heartfelt thank you. Its made a difference.

Why did I come back? I knew that I knew that I knew I was supposed to come back for a 3rd stint. You've had those moments where its clear what the Lord's told you. Its in your gut. And when you deal with and function with and work with humans, plans can get bejumbled.

I'll be honest and say I questioned what I knew, I questioned God's purpose. I questioned it all. But you don't stop moving forward. Backward would've been nice, and forward couldn't come fast enough, but you don't get to chose your circumstances. You chose your action and reactions to your circumstances.

"You do what's necessary and then you can begin to do what's possible." - Lisa Harper, the yellow post it in my kitchen.

 I've learned a lot. I've seen that my perception of God is related to the condition of my character. I've seen that saying you're brave and capable doesn't mean anything... until God affords you the chance to prove it (and you don't want to be brave or capable any more.) And that sometimes crap and pain isn't about the issue or even the outcome at all - its about the process. The extra prayer. The humility of a broken heart. The courage to speak truth. The tears over sin. Figuring out how to surrender anger and confusion. God didn't answer when I begged please fix this - He invited me to join the process of seeking His face. His wonderful face that doesn't always protect us from life but that surely walks with us when life hits the fan.

And all this sounds profound, but it has sucked. I'm testifying to how God whispers to you in your silences and shows you snippets. They bring peace. Until the next day. And then you seek Him again.

And now you're going to ask why I'm still here if I don't have "work". Ready for the answer? I know that I know that I know that God said 'Stay. Don't leave on this note. Don't leave beat down. You have a lot to contribute. I told you to be here.' 

I've learned hundreds of new Khmer words with a tutor, sat on numerous bamboo chairs with neighbors, gotten 2 folks to a good hospital, and interviewed with some outstanding outside of the small bubble I worked in. (Those of you that help support me financially, don't panic! I'm looking for "work"!)

Its not a coincidence these were a few of what I memorized in the last year....

"But as for me the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Creator God my refuge, and I'll tell of all his good work." - the Psalms

"My thoughts are completely different than yours, says the lord, and my ways are far beyond what you can imagine." - Isaiah

"You must make allowance for each others' faults and forgive those that offend you. Remember, the lord forgave you, so you must forgive them." - letter to Colossians

The only constant in life is God.